Monday, 26 January 2015

Troll In The Dungeon

 
So this post is going to be something a little different for me and something that I don't normally do, which is, addressing the haters.
 
 
This weekend, I received my first 'real' experience of what they call 'trolls' and it was rather a different experience to what I imagined it may be.
 
After my image was posted on the social media page of a great plus size brand (whom I do not hold AT ALL responsible for the actions of individuals in any way) because I had reviewed a piece of their lingerie for Valentine's Day, the majority of the comments left were wonderful, very positive or if they were critical - it was constructive criticism concerning the item I was wearing.
 
However, as expected, soon after, the hate began flooding in and I received some of the following comments;
 
'underwear is nice, tattoos are gross'
 
'looks terrible'
 
'this would not entice me to buy this, its so unflattering'
 
'horrible too many tattoos'
 
'WTF??!!'
 
'I know when I look stupid in something and would never put it on the internet for the world to see'
 
'all we hear is plus size bloggers appeasing each other and lets face it, not all plus size bloggers look good'
 
'I'm a big girl, but this looks bad'
 
These comments continued and caused some very heated debate with a lot of incredible individuals standing up for me and questioning the necessity of these comments. People asked why they felt the need to comment on anything other than the item of clothing - which should have been the main point of focus. I also found that once challenged, these 'trolls' simply claimed they were giving their 'opinion'.
 
 
Maybe I am naïve in my view that there is a great difference between giving an opinion and just being a bit nasty? You can have a different opinion, without being rude and this can be voiced with being hurtful. When I first saw these negative comments popping up, I got a little fixated on them and as expected, they did start to hurt my feelings and niggle at me because they were so unnecessary. But thanks to a group of wonderful girls I am lucky enough to call my friends and some resolute positivity I began to realise that these nasty comments and rude 'opinions', really do not matter, at all, on any level.
 
I wanted to write this post just to say to everyone out there that has ever struggled with trolls, negativity, bullying or just plain rudeness - it DOES NOT MATTER. These individuals DO NOT MATTER. Their cruel words DO NOT MATTER. For every one one hater, there are 10 people inspired and motivated by you. For every one hater, there are 10 people relating to you and feeling their confidence grow. For every one hater there is ONE OF YOU and that is all that matters. You matter, what you do matters, how you feel about yourself matters, the confidence and inspiration you can provide to someone just by being who you are matters. Please do not let them bring you down, don't let their taunts ruin your day or knock your confidence.  No matter what they are hating on you for, it is not worth a second thought, if it wasn't that, it would be something else, you can never please everyone. I know sometimes it can feel easier said that done when you're greeted by a barrage of negativity but have a good cry, speak to your family, speak to your friends, eat some ice cream, have a bath, take a walk, work out, cuddle your other half, cuddle your pet, cuddle your soft toys - do what makes YOU feel good and you will soon see that all that matters is how you feel about yourself - which should NOT be determined by keyboard warriors, strangers or bullies. Kill them with kindness, class, good humour and humility and keep your head held high.
 
Trust me, the more your confidence grows, the less these people will matter - you are a beautiful a wonderful human being who offers more to the world than they ever could.
 
 
Christina knows.
 
Lots Of Love,
KLJ x
 

12 comments:

  1. Amen! I find it very hard to use kindness when dealing with trolls. They are usually not worth my kindness and I really have no time for assholes. Glad you are strong enough to take it and rise above. You looked fucking fabulous!

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    1. You are so kind, thank you so much and thank you for your support with the trolls directly - it was so appreciated and you spoke so wonderfully that anyone who attempted to justify their cruel comments just looked ridiculous! x

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  2. Kate, you looked lovely in that lingerie. It wouldn't work on me as my boobs are too big and need more support, but that's to do with my body and the garment not being right. FUCK the trolls, they are just a pathetic bunch of cunts x

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    1. Thank you so much for your support, that is so kind of you to say and I really appreciate it more than I can express x

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  3. I saw the pics but didn't click on the comments! I thought you looked splendid! And I always think your tats are lush! As for the trolls pah! Opinions are like arseholes and all that! Your response is very classy!

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    1. Thank you so much, that is so kind of you and your support means the world to me. Having women like yourself leave me such wonderful comments is one of the reasons I just power through the Trolls and don't let them get to me! x

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  4. Ooh two replies from me in one day! I'm new to the world of reading plus size blogs but in the past few weeks of following you and others I feel I have found a buzz about clothes. I'm 34, 5'10 and a size 24. Guess I have got stuck in a rut. What has shocked me the most on social media though is the hatred that goes around being masked as opinion so therefore its deemed ok. Its not. Why should being vicious be ok? We don't all have the same taste and styles. I work in one of the busiest train stations in the country and some of the stuff I see people wearing each day is eclectic to say the least. There is no way you would go up to someone and say what you think in real life so why think its ok to say it online. I will point out though that if I see someone in something I like I will tell them. Sorry for the rant.

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    1. No I absolutely agree about telling someone something if it is positive - I think if more people spent 2 minutes of their day doing this, the world would be a much better place and people would be a lot happier and a lot more positive towards one another! Having an opinion and just being a bit rude at two very different things that should be easily distinguished by sadly, some people can't seem to separate the two! x

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  5. Okay first off, super jealous of your tattoos, but that's just another opinion.
    Secondly, we have similar shapes. Underwear shopping or even the very idea of it would cause a lump in my throat at the very least because how in the world could I look remotely attractive in lingerie? The models don't look like me. The clothes aren't meant for my shape. They aren't meant to hide the bad bits because people who wear lingerie don't have those bad bits! But then you showed me it's possible to look damn good at this size and that its nothing to do with your body, it's all to do with the confidence you radiate.

    Thank you!

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    1. Thank you so much for this comment, it is so kind. I am so pleased that I have helped you see that you can be sexy and look wonderful at any shape or size! As long as you feel good about yourself and own your confidence - anything is possible! Don't let trolls or any other negative individuals ever let you believe that you are not good enough or beautiful enough because you are and always have been! x

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  6. I saw the post in question and was appalled at some of the comments, but what really stood out was how eloquently you responded. I am fed up of people being rude then trying to defend themselves by saying it just my opinion! Yes we all have opinions but there is a difference between that and being downright rude!! I am always of the mind that if something is not to your taste then move along, I will never understand why people take time out of their day to be negative!! Anyway personally I thought you looked beautiful! xx

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    1. Thank you so much, that is so kind of you. I really think that if you react negatively to these horrible individuals, you are giving them what they want. I know sometimes it is incredibly hard not to react to them because they say such ridiculous, nasty things but it is best to try to remain good humorous and humble in your responses and this will leave them unable to say anything back that won't make them look even sillier than they already do! But you are so kind, thank you! x

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