I do firmly believe that sometimes you have to go through a lot of shit to get to the good bits and I feel like this is has been incredibly relevant to me this year. I started the year in an unhappy relationship, feeling trapped and sad. Now I will never say that every aspect of that relationship was negative because that is not the case but by the end the bad was outweighing the good. Despite recently acquired responsibility, I decided to leave that relationship and despite grieving for the end of something, I was happy and felt free to be myself again. I moved in with some wonderful girls and a dog and felt I was really finding myself again.
Shortly after this I made the incredibly dull decision to get into a ridiculous relationship. The individual was charming and dangerous, which at the time, I went a long with quite happily. However, very early on I realised I had made a huge mistake. This is really big information for me to share but I feel that if these things aren't talked about, they will forever remain a taboo which is the furthest possible from what they should be. I ended up pregnant and chose to have an abortion. I will not blame the other individual entirely for this as I am very much aware that I had just as much responsibility in it as they did but I did allow myself to be seduced into behaving recklessly. Shortly before discovering this I called things off with this individual because he was frankly, not a nice person. Once I informed him on the situation, he only continued to prove that to me. BUT, despite this situation being quite awful and the experience of going through all of that being equally awful, in a way, I am thankful that it did happen. It showed me that I needed to be strong and that I could be strong with what I want, who I want and how my life needs to go. It made me even more thankful for my incredible friends and family who supported me more than I could ever have asked for during that time. I feel absolutely no shame in the fact that I made the adult decision to not continue with the pregnancy, it was not right for anyone involved and continuing with it would have been far worse than deciding on having an abortion. So many women go through that in silence and feel shame and sadness over what they have done, not because they regret their decision, but because they are worried about how others may think of them if they were to find out. Trust me, anyone that makes a negative judgement on someone for making a decision that was right for them and their circumstances, is NOT worth one moment of your concern, i understand that individuals feel differently on this subject, however, that is what it is, the decision of the INDIVIDUAL.
Now, enough with the sad stuff!! After this all happened, I decided it was time to focus on ME, dating and all of that jazz was taking a firm backseat and I was planning to look for work closer to my family as after all of that because I missed them more than ever. Time went on and my housemates and I all decided to join dating sites, as we were all single and all ready for a giggle, even if no actual dates manifested, online dating is always entertaining! And that is where I met Chris, who just so happened to live back home, near my parents. Right away there was something different about him, he was so chatty and well mannered and funny. He made such an effort to get back to me and our conversations felt so natural, like I had known him forever. We arranged a date and honestly, the rest is history. As soon as I laid eyes on that man, I knew he was the one and ever since that moment he has not let go of me and not stopped proving me right. We really hated being apart so I made the formal decision to look for work close to home and Chris and I found something a lot faster than expected! Now, at the end of this month, we are moving in to our own little place together and I am starting fresh, in a new place and a new job.
If all of this weren't reason enough for me to celebrate, last night, Chris asked me to marry him, with my Grandmother's eternity ring as my engagement ring. We may not have been together for the longest time but no amount of time is going to change how I feel about this man. He is my soul mate, my lobster and he gets me, entirely. He is handsome and kind and never ever fails to cheer me up when I'm having a bad day or make me laugh. I have never been with anyone that has made me feel safe and cared for in such a way before, I don't mean in a materialistic way, I mean emotionally, spiritually and physically. His curly hair and big blue eyes are just dreamy and when you know, you know.
I hope that gives ya'll a little insight into why over this last year, I have gradually got more and more lax with blogging BUT do not fear, I will be back on it with vengeance starting this weekend and even more so when we are all moved into our new place back in Somerset. It isn't quite a New Year yet, but for me New Year starts early and the beginning of December is my new start. I cannot wait to live near my family and friends again and build a home with my future husband, whilst sharing my little fashion insights with ya'll on the regular! As always, thank you all so much for your overwhelming support and love, I really cannot fully express how humbling and wonderful it is to receive so much of both from all of you. Thank you.
Lots Of Love,